Belonging in fragments: an autoethnography of a Chinese international student in Edinburgh

Abstract

Purpose This article explores belonging as a fragile and shifting process in the everyday life of a Chinese international postgraduate student in Edinburgh. Design/methodology/approach Using autoethnography, the article draws on retrospective memory, earlier autobiographical writing and iterative analytic rewriting to examine two contrasting scenes of student life. Findings In a classroom, evaluative participation, linguistic insecurity and self-surveillance make belonging thin out. In a Dungeons and Dragons gathering, shared language, familiarity and recognisable contribution make belonging briefly more inhabitable. Writing through four personified selves – Baba Yaga, Stranger, Ambition and Sunset – shows that belonging is negotiated not only socially but internally through fear, shame, striving, memory and fleeting ease. Originality/value The article contributes to qualitative inquiry by showing how autoethnographic writing through fragmented selves can make visible the internal negotiations through which belonging is strained, interrupted and provisionally repaired. It also offers a way of conceptualising partial belonging not as a failed version of belonging, but as a constitutive feature of cross-cultural student life.