“It Brought a Lot of Underlying Insecurity to the Foreground”: An Exploratory Investigation into the Challenges of Polyamory

Abstract

Previous research has demonstrated that people in polyamorous relationships report equivalent or better relationship quality compared to people in monogamous relationships. Yet, like any relationship, polyamorous relationships are accompanied by challenges, which may be compounded by the challenges associated with being a member of a stigmatized minority group. The purpose of the present study was to better understand challenges commonly experienced by a community sample of people engaged in polyamorous relationships. Sixty-three participants residing in the U.S. (M age = 34.7 years; 82.5% White, 49.2% women, and 46% bisexual) completed an anonymous, open-ended survey. Six themes were identified through a thematic analysis: stigma and discrimination, the need to engage in self-work, challenges in existing relationships, challenges making new connections, metamour challenges, and logistical challenges. The current findings suggest that polyamorous individuals report many of the same intrapersonal and interpersonal challenges as monogamous individuals, though the context and desired outcomes may differ. They also report challenges unique to or exacerbated by having multiple intimate partners as well as challenges stemming from anti-CNM stigma and internalized mononormativity. Understanding the normative challenges experienced by individuals who engage in polyamory can help prepare therapists to work more effectively with polyamorous clients, guide the development of treatment interventions and public education materials, and spur movements that challenge CNM-based stigma and discrimination.