Self-sacrificing mothers or empowered sexual subjects? Tensions between motherhood and sexuality in the construction of mothers’ erotic experiences and identities

Abstract

Western representations of motherhood have historically existed in tension with those of female sexuality, as exemplified by the 'madonna-whore' dichotomy. This paper's goal was to understand the cultural tension between discourses of female sexuality and motherhood and attempt to examine how it impacts the experiences and identities of mothers in Portugal. To do that, we analyse data from 45 biographic interviews with mothers, focusing on their sexual experiences during pregnancy and after birth. Results show that, while mothers tended to feel uncomfortable reconciling their role as a mother with their role as a sexual being, discomfort arose not because they felt that sex might sully the sacred nature of motherhood, but because they found it difficult to accept that it was justifiable for them to focus on themselves (or on their partner) when they were meant, as 'good' mothers, to focus solely on their child. These findings suggest that in order to more adequately understand the tension between motherhood and sexuality in western contemporary culture we need to look beyond traditional oppositions. Instead, we must take into consideration the incompatibility between neoliberal and individualistic views of sexuality and the altruistic expectations set by modern ideologies around mothering.